Two Weeks
by DarkRiverTempest
Summary: Severus and Hermione should have heeded the warnings.


Written for the lovely, Jenidralph's birthday! She wanted SS/HG, horror... and mentioned _Gremlins_. **Warning:** If you haven't seen the movie _Gremlins_, this won't make much sense to you. ** Disclaimer:** JK Rowling would have NEVER done this with her characters. But, I'm not getting paid for it, so I can. ;)

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Wizard's Film Log – Day 1

_(a man sits in front of a camera mounted on top of a computer_)

"This is ridiculous."

_(muffled voice in the background_)

"Granger, why can't I just write down my research like any normal wizard?"

_(more muffled talking_)

"As I said previously, this is ridiculous. However, seeing as my _colleague_—and I use that term loosely—demanded that we keep track of our progress in a more modern, advanced and technological way, I am reduced to recording my data via a Muggle contraption called a WebCam."

_(man is scowling and clearly irritated_)

"Exactly what am I supposed to say to this intrusive object, Granger?"

_(a woman comes into view and points at the camera_)

"Try not to think of this at all, Severus. Just say everything that you wish to record, as if you are writing a research piece and documenting all your findings. Leave nothing out."

"I refuse to reveal my methods. How do I know that this... this thing isn't broadcasting my findings to the entire world? Granger? Granger! Don't you leave—"

Wizard's Film Log – Day 2

(_a very unhappy, dour-looking man is sneering at the camera_)

"We are in Shanghai. It's hot and humid, and I believe typhoon season is upon us."

_(a rumble of thunder can be heard_)

"Bloody rain. Ahem. As I was saying, we are in Shanghai, studying what the locals call a Mogwai. Useless creatures, really. Unless you are a prepubescent witch with a penchant for collecting disgustingly fuzzy beasts or a ravenous werewolf in search of the next meal—yes, Lupin, that was directed at you—the animal serves no earthly purpose whatsoever. Not even for potion's ingredients."

(_a teddy bear-like creature is held up to the screen, the ears overly large_)

"It looks like a genetic mutation between a Pygmy Puff and a Goblin."

(_a woman bends down and reaches across man to place clipboard on desk_)

"Severus, cross-breeding of those two species is impossible and you know it. Scientific fact only, please."

(_man shoves woman out of view_)

"I'll say whatever the hell I want, Granger. If I'm to be forced to do this, I'll do it my way! As I was saying before I was so rudely interrupted... oh, such class, Granger. Two-fingered salute. Priceless."

Wizard's Film Log – Day 3

"It has been raining incessantly for twenty-four hours and I found a leak in the loo."

(_a woman walks by_)

"Scientific data only, Severus."

_(man glares as she disappears off-screen_)

"I'll show her scientific data. Ahem. The Mogwai showed an unusual amount of fear when exposed to sunlight. In fact, my previous assumption that it was part Goblin must be amended to possibly vampiric in nature, though it shuns meat of any sort. And while nocturnal, it does not seem to feed during the evening hours, as is the habit of most night-time creatures."

_(there is soft trilling in the background_)

"It does have random bouts of what could only be called 'mating song', where the creature sings mournfully. I must hypothesise that it is in its mating heat, as there is also a foul odour that is increasing in potency. Perhaps I shall bathe the wretched animal."

Wizard's Film Log – Day 5

(_a man sits in front of the camera, draped in six animals identical to the first, a look of horror on his face_)

"Apparently, Mogwai reproduce asexually."

Wizard's Film Log – Day 6

(_a Mogwai is gnawing on a man's finger_)

"Granger? Would you _please_ feed this mongrel?"

_(a woman takes the Mogwai off-screen_)

"He wouldn't be so hungry if you would just feed them at the appointed times, Severus."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I was too busy_ feeding the other five everything in the pantry_!"

(_there is a series of loud burps_)

"Filthy little brutes."

Wizard's Film Log – Day 8

_(the camera is slowly panned left and right, taking in the scene of five, huge alien-like pods that are steaming slightly_)

"Dear Merlin! The stench!"

(_a woman's voice is heard in the background_)

"Severus? I have little Gizmo here with me, but where are the rest of the... _oh my god_! What did you do to them?"

"I did nothing, Granger. I woke up and these were sitting in the lab."

(_remaining Mogwai starts trembling and crying_)

"Shh, it's okay. Hermione will keep you safe."

"Are you seriously communicating with that creature, Granger?"

"Gizmo is frightened. I'm trying to console him."

"Him? Gizmo? How on earth did you sex that animal?"

(_Mogwai is thrust into man's hands_)

"He looks like a Gizmo, don't you think?"

"Zeus save me from witches whose biological clocks are ticking."

Wizard's Film Log – Day 10

(_a man and woman sit side-by-side in front of camera, thoroughly dishevelled. The lab behind them is in shambles. A light fixture is swinging._)

"I think we can safely conclude that Mogwai belong in the wild where they are not subject to human whims. After hatching from the pupa stage, the uh..."

"Fiends. Monsters. Demons from the lowest pit of Hell. Take your pick."

"The creatures proceeded to ravage the area and escape through a window."

"Ahem. Succinctly put, Granger. I would add that I was bitten by one of the miscreants and am now exhibiting symptoms of... of..."

(_man doubles over and woman drags him off-screen_)

Wizard's Film Log – Day 12

(_a nervous woman sits in front of the camera, glancing frequently off to the side_)

"Severus has begun sprouting tufts of black hair on his face, back, legs, and chest, as well as his ears elongating. As the days progress, his features are morphing into those characteristics seen in the Mogwai."

(_woman covers her mouth_)

(_man's voice booms off-screen_)

"Granger, this is not in the least bit funny!

(_woman clears her throat and sits up straight_)

"Sorry, Severus. I'm not sure the rate of contamination, but according to my estimates, Severus will have fully integrated the Mogwai virus into his blood stream within the next twenty-four hours."

"Fucking blighters!"

Wizard's Film Log – Day 14

_(the area is deserted except for a black-haired Mogwai sitting in the chair and looking at the camera_)

"Mogwai!"

(_A woman walks onscreen and pats the dark head_)

"Yes, Severus. I'll get you something to eat."

_(the Mogwai watches the woman leave and then turns back to the camera... giving the viewers a wicked smile_)


End file.
